Clouds

To appreciate the blue of the sky, you need the white clouds to compare it to. To be able to appreciate the brightness of the stars, you need the darkness of night. Perfect weather is never perfect, just lacking in contrast. A perfectly calm life is never that - its simply a life that exists with no effort, and no reward.

There are so many trails I could take this thought but I haven't got the time.

Brrrrr....

It is 29 degrees in Staunton right now. 29 DEGREES!!!!! Everyone is bundled from head to toe and busting out the scarves and gloves. I plan on checking when I get home but I am almost positive that all of my "winter gear" is 2 hours away in Richmond. I think I only allotted for one hoody and maybe one scarf. Well, that will have to do it. Levi is picking up a new trenchcoat tomorrow to deal with the brisk weather. I am going to try and enjoy the snow when it finally falls as it will be my last for a few years. It only snows in one place in Oz, on the Blue Mountains and only a few times a season.

Back to work. So many trees have died for my thesis. My karma is going to be screwed.

New record

I just beat 4 games of solitaire without redealing the deck or "cheating". Thats a new record. I guess diminished capacity works to my favor once.

I was only taking a break and trying to refocus my brain. I have slept 9 hours in the last two nights combined. I am at work right now at the library trying to work my way through the mental fog to write a paper. Its not going so splendedly but that where I am .... sleep soooooooooon!

My Elvis moment...

Did you ever get that feeling that you forgot something? All day, even since last night I have felt like I am forgetting to get or write or do something - but I can't for the life of me remember what .... so frustrating and its going to drive me to distraction until I resolve it.

I felt like I had turetts (sp?) today, I just kept blurting additions to the conversations around me with no real rhyme or reason. It was bizarre, it was like my vocal filter was swiss cheese.

Either way, I work back to back shifts this weekend with both jobs so it will be interesting if I am worth anything on Monday.

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.

Shiny.

The squirrel knows all

Today's Senior Seminar class was only 15 minutes long so I took my time going back to my building. I decided to stop on Kable House lawn to sit under a tree, eat my recently acquired pb&j and listen to my MP3 player in the sun. I decided to stop for a few minutes ... just to sit. A few days ago it was absolutely freezing and the northern US tip got 2 feet of snow. Today, it was nearly 80 degress with a light breeze and barely cloudy sky. I think mother earth is bipolar. Anyway, while sitting under the multicolored leaves of autumn I got inspired to write my wedding vows. Trying to organize my thoughts and feelings into a few sucinct statements is easier than it looks. But writing about Levi and I reminded me of all of the strange "destinal road signs" that we had when we first got together.

The trip that gave us the opportunity to be alone - Levi wasn't scheduled to attend, he was the backup and at the very last minute the other delegate pulled out. My initials spell east - his last name is west. His dad worked as a carpenter for the national theatre for several years - I spent my freshman and sophomore years building for the school theatre. His mother, father, and sister share birthdays with my immediate family. Both of our fathers had hep-C. Both of our mothers had husbands named McDonald in their first marriage. When we went on a drive up to the Byron lighthouse to decide whether or not we should stay together (or whether I should leave Oz at the end of my intended stay) there was a wedding couple taking their photos. The list is endless... it actually is bizaare.

While sitting under the tree scribbling on paper a baby squirrel came scattering past and straight up the tree next to me. He really starteled me because he had no hair on his tail so really looked like a cross between a chipmunk and a mouse (ooo I hope it wasn't some weird radioactive hybrid). Just the same (but with no hair) ....

Would you ...

If you could have a conversation with your 13 year old self what would you tell them? Would you warn that sad girl crying on her bedroom floor about trouble ahead, boys to avoid, moments to cherish or would you climb right back out the window and say nothing? Would you leave well enough alone to protect the you that exists now, what if warning her would give you something better today - what if it was something worse, would you tell her to lock her door and run.

Thats the tricky thing about changing the past. You get sucked into an endless illogical quantum sphere (multiple circles, you see where I am going). If you change your experiences during one of the most turbulent times in your life, at least biologically - what will it do to the "you" that has learned from the youthful hardships? Would those lessons come from mistakes later in life that you helped the younger "you" avoid. Would it be worth it? Would it be better, would it be worse, and who's to say either way? Isn't there a place and purpose for hardship, pain, joy, and timely events. Doesn't ignorance serve its purpose?

I guess thats why we cannot go back and change the past, at least not our own. I guess thats why parents try to guide their children around their youthful mistakes. I guess thats why living in the moment and never looking back is the only way to avoid the aformentioned endless illogical quantum sphere.

Yeah ... that thing.

Friday the 13th - Opposite Day?

This weekend was not at all what I expected it to be. I had meant to spend my fall break buried in the library working on my thesis, and taking some extra shifts at BAM. Well the library was only open limited hours so I guess it was for the best (what actually happened that is).

Thursday Levi called and let me know that he had decided to take a weekend sojourn from the hustle and bustle of D.C. This was awesome because Kat had a meeting in Harrisonburg Friday night and was coming into the sticks for dinner. So Friday the 13th, synonymous with bad luck, black cats, broken mirrors, and ladders - was quite nice. Over a very nice dinner at the Pullman we got to shoot the breeze and discuss the finer details of eachother's futures. Then Kat headed back to her husband and Levi and I went back to tully-ville to pass out from a very large meal. I got to spend the weekend looking over the invitations, nutting out migration (oh what a headache) , laughing and getting the best sleep that I have in weeks (not counting the nights I nearly OD'd on benadryl).

I also have a oh too cute picture of Levi cuddling a stuffed lion in his sleep, but he took the camera back with him so it may take me a while to coax it off him ... so I can post it on the internet :-D.

As for my thesis, it is a no worries situation. I have a good amount of structuring, organization, and research already done - its just a matter of writing the bloody thing.

There is an ends to my means ...

This exhausted, full tilt, some would say detrimental behavior has a purpose for me. There is a reason for these actions, for this intensity that is my light at the end of the tunnel and my motivation to continue. The reason I have one nearly full time job and one part time job on top of school, the reason I am doing two senior thesis in one semester, the reason I am barrelling through all of my immigration red tape - I want the life I deserve to have.

By March of 2007 I want to have a nice apartment, a nice full time job, a nice wardrobe, a nice vacation planned, a nice photo album of a wonderful honeymoon, a nice marriage, and simply a nice life. I don't want fantastic or opulent - just nice. I am working my tail off and making extreme plans because I want a nice life. I am saving every penny I can so that when Levi and I get back to Australia we have the funds to pay first, last, and security on a nice apartment. So that we can get clean and new furniture and a big bed. So that we can have all the utilities installed at once and get high speed internet so I can stay connected to my family. I want a life that while maybe not flush with money, is secure and comfortable.

For a nice life, I can go without sleep for 5 months.

I was just resting my eyes...

So apparently working 10 hour shifts until midnight 5 days straight can have a negative effect on a person. Who knew? This morning I was exhausted. I had only had 4 1/2 hours of sleep and had been running off my feet for the last week. We had a speaker from Northern India in my first class which was engaging enough to keep me awake, plus I was still wide eyed from my shower and breakfast. By my 10:40 History of Jazz class I was shot. Unfortunately for me, I sit in the middle of the first row, typically no more than 4 feet from my professor as he walks around the piano and blackboard. Of course I fell asleep, of course he noticed, which meant of course everybody noticed - that is of course except me. My notes from the class are useless, the first section is legible enough but then it gets very small and very squiggly indicative of where I began to fade in and out. Oops, my bad.

I think I forgot to mention in my last few posts the irony surrounding the wedding. Levi and I have a counter-couple in Oz. Megan and Sam have been engaged for over a year and when we left had no real wedding plans to speak of. When I divulged to Megs my wedding date she delighted in telling me that was the exact same date that she and Sam had chosen. We will be half way across the world and 14 hours behind but we will have the same wedding anniversary. Hopefully the men will be able to remind eachother in the future.

The invitations are almost done, I spent 2 1/2 frustratingly fruitless hours last night in the graphics lab but discovered that the two printers I needed were irrevocably damaged.

I start the bulk of my thesis in 3 days .... counting down .....

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Punch and pie...

Sometimes to even out your day - you need something. You crave something. I got off work at midnight tonight after a 9 hour shift full of laughter with coworkers and 99% of customers asking why the sizes are "tall, grande, and joe's choice 20 oz" instead of small, medium, and large (I still don't have a logical reason). I got off of a 9 hour shift and all I wanted was some tacos, some horrible for you, runs right through you Taco Bell soft tacos. Its been raining today and the temperature has plummetted. Nothing beats tacos, sweatpants, and reruns of Grey's Anatomy - just what the doctor ordered.

Today was diverse - to say the least. I worked on my thesis this morning, annouced to my Mom that I Levi and I are getting married in December of this year, and worked the night shift. We have been planning the wedding since March, got around to getting engaged in August but have kept things under wraps to keep the stress limited to .... well - me. I know how stressful a wedding can be, especially on the respective families. I have 5 sisters. I also have worked over 300 weddings as child labor for my Mom who was a wedding coordinator for over a decade - I know weddings, trust me. I wanted my family to be able to enjoy the wedding and not have to worry about whether or not a decoration is straight or if the cake is assembled correctly. This is going to be simple and calm - even if it kills me. Plus we are trying to be fair, my family gets the ceremony - his family gets the reception (split 50 / 50) .

But thats all for now, cats out of the bag as it were, I have to get some sleep and get up early to do laundry before work.

Rabbit with a pocket watch ...

Just as soon as it seemed this blog was up to date - things went haywire and I fell behind again. There just doesn't seem to be enough time to accomplish all the things I must do and all the things I want to do. Three weeks ago I started my new job, at BooksAMillion working mainly in the cafe. I really enjoy the job but 34 hours a week is 34 hours I really didn't have to spare. I still maintain 15 hours a week at the library (where typically I do schoolwork and administrative tasks if I am not busy) and 12 hours per week in classes. Apply that to a seven day week and we're shiny.

There isn't much to report, classes are moving along swiftly dragging me behind. Fall break begins next Friday and I am staying put, using the time off of classes and job #1 to write my senior theses (thesises?). I will still work a few days at BAM but it should give me enough time to get caught up and maybe ahead. Last night I worked out my schedule for the next 9 weeks. I will go back to Richmond on the 12th of November for my nephews birthday, and then again for thanksgiving. I don't want to push the car on multiple long trips so I will just have to play in Staunton.

The leaves on campus are changing and fall is setting in - its gorgeous up here and if I have a moment to take it in - can actually be relaxing. Yesterday was Apple Day which consisted of a cancelling of classes and work as well as a carnival on campus. Molly, Tobin, and I did karoke and there was much inflated fun (boxing, jousting, jumping and the like).

I have to leave for work in a half hour so I am going to try to get 15 minutes of sleep. Later tater.