resurfacing

I have not died, nor have I dicovered the world really is flat (and subsequently fallen off the edge). I have not updated this blog for two months, two insane-lifealtering-cornerturning-wholenewme-months. The abridged version: I graduated college, got married, and moved back to Australia. All in about 5 weeks or less.

Now back in Oz, my plans (or rather OUR plans) are fluid and more like mercury balancing on a pin than the certainty of a block of concrete. (See - I may have moved, but I am still vague and cooky).

My new chapter as it were seems to be filled with immigration blunders, want ads, real estate agents, hospital waiting rooms, and hot summer days. But on the bright side there is the Pacific, surf kayaking, invitations to learn how to kite surf with family friends, a new last name, new photo albums, things that haven't changed, old friends with new boats, invitations to go horseback riding with new cousins, the knowledge that switching back to driving on the other side of the road is easier than I anticipated, new prospects and the notion that I am the youngest person in my new immediate family (which I can tease them with as they all age ... some more).

I have my bouts of homesickness for the US (with its failing healthcare, education, social security, and economic systems - but who's judging!). I miss my family as well and the friends I left in their own private adventures through life.

A few years ago I told a friend (or rather an exboyfriend turned friend) about my 5 year plan and how it eventually involved settling in one place for at least a few years. He reckoned I couldn't sit still for that long and to be honest since leaving high school - I haven't. His doubts have stuck with me long after the friendship has pittered out. But being back and on the brink of actually slowing down for the first time makes it all seem quite possible. I would like to be normal and quiet and put down roots and buy permanent furniture and unpack boxes and all that other crap.

But besides that, it is far too hot to worry about anything just at the moment. Its even too hot to walk to the pool - why did I come back to the tropics!?!

Of all the things that have happened in the last week - I simply don't have the time to discuss them (other than with my imagenary friend). Last Thursday I got my wedding dress. Up until that point I had been planning a wedding, something my entire childhood had prepped me for but once I put on the large white bodiced dress - I was getting married. Overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotion and realization I had the option either to cry or vomit - I chose neither and quickly changed into something a little less opulent. This isn't my wedding dress (because that would be bad luck), this is the dress that overpowered me, that I only grabbed as a goof to laugh at and nearly lost my mind while wearing. The dress I chose is a secret and won't be revealed for another 3 weeks.

I have officially two more weeks until my senior theses are due. I am overwhelmed by the fact that in this instance there are no second chances. But I have two weeks and I am interested in my topic - so everything will dissolve or be resolved in the end.

There are blogs that I could write about the education of terrorism, the difference between joyful gunfire and protesting gunfire, deer and their general mutiny, or even the importance of choices. There are miles to go before I sleep. And all of my future plans are changing and morphing as I breath so I will return to blogger when I can.

VOTE!!!!

Today is the day, well one of "the days". Today is the day where American's are entitled to cast their voice over their states, and as an extension their nations, political future. Today is also the day that those who choose not to vote maintain the right to complain and criticize before and after the fact. Today is the day where all the confusion and smear campaigns pay off. Instead of being a question on how you will lead your respecitve district it is more a question of how much mud you got on your shoes while you were slinging. The relatively cleanest opponent at the end of this moisty dirty match is typically declared the victor, leaving muddy footprints on the stairs of the stage as he (and 99% of the time its going to be "he") ascends to make a victory speech. For the defeated, there is still a trail of muddy footprints (typically deeper in shit), but there is a sprinkling a tears, disapointed benefactors, and IOU's mixed in.

This vote, like a few that have preceded and many that will follow - is about technology, race, and sexuality. The issues raised and I expect the ones that will be greatly debated in the months to follow "the day" start with the "how" of this vote. Electronic voting machines are a leap of faith, that the touchscreen even works has been questioned, that it works correctly (that you don't have to lean a certain way with your tongue in a certain spot for things to line up), that the method of counting cannot be tampered with as easily as an excel document, and that the lack of a tangible paper trail is the mark of progress not blind faith.

More and more media attention has been given to politicians of minority or mixed race - because this is supposedly the 1992 for African American (male) politicians. (If you are unaware, 1992 was considered the year of the Woman because a large majority of women voted and participated in the political system). It only stands to reason that one's government should reflect the population. Right now it doesn't, right now white males of affluent heritage make up a much larger majority in government then they do in the population. I'm not saying this strata does not have its place, but just not so overwhelmingly. Regardless of the color of a politicians skin, they are still a politician, they are still prone to misrepresent, dumd down their policies, and tow somebody's party line. It's a fact - after all thats their job. Race doesn't mean much if you can, or your can't, do your job.

A lot of voters are flocking to the polls stricly because states, VA in this case, are dealing with legislation surrounding gay marriage and gay spousal rights. Many are flocking because they believe it is the right thing to do to say yes. At the same time many are voting only to vote down this allowance. If an 18 year old heterosexual girl can get married in Vegas and annul it 35 hours later - then an 18 year old homosexual girl should be able to do the same. On that same thread, if a 45 year old heterosexual man can celebrate his 20 year wedding anniversary - then a 45 year old homosexual man should be allowed the same. In the end, we are all human beings. A person's sexuality doens't necessarily make them a bad person or guarantee that they will be a good person. Assholes, and idiots, come in all colors, sizes, and walks of life.

In 20 years, how much is it really going to matter. Human to human marriage might be the politically correct term of the day. If politics ever gets honest, I'm going to be out of a job.

VOTE!

EDIT - this post is not to downplay the large number of women running for political office this term, but is a reflection on how overshadowed this fact has become by the race and sex debates.

Oh! To be an adult again ...

Saturday night I had a staff meeting at 7am, worked until 6:30 pm and then drove the 2.5 hours to Washington D.C. for 24 hours of semi-normalcy. Somehow, getting into D.C. is always blundered and confusing to me. The two trips that I have made into D.C. as an adult and driving I have gotten lost. I have no idea how I arrived at Levi's apartment but all of a sudden a took a very frustrated turn and there it was. Somehow both times departing the city has been smooth and required no directions or maps. But I digress.

Levi and I had an amazing Sunday. We got to be adults, we got to be normal, and it reminded both of us how much we miss living together and having an adult life. Although sleeping two adults on one single width bed has left us both sore it was nice to wake up next to him. After getting up we heading up to Capital Hill to the markets, grabbed a vendor hotdog (there is no better kind) and picked up all the fixins for a huge organic salad (for less than $7.00!). The walk through the city, I think mostly because it involved no driving, was beautiful and calming. It is always impressive to be walking down a street of restored brownstones and turn a corner to face the dome of the Senate or see the Washington Monument peaking over the trees. Eventually, errands complete, we returned to the apartment and took a nap - the best kind of sleep on a Sunday afternoon. Through paperwork, conversation, music, dinner, and tv our evening ended and I departed. The 2.5 hour drive home was tolerable and without real incident (but led to a numb rearend and sore-er shoulders).

Today I work, and will probably be up to the wee hours of the morning completely assignments for tomorrow. Le Sigh ...

Colorblind deer ...

I stayed late at work tonight, later than the other cashiers, later than the midshift barista, but just as late as my manager Jen. Today was suprisingly nuts for a Friday and it only took me a few bithcing customers to discover why. On all of the store windows there are 20% Sale signs, on all of the displays there are sale signs but the sale is only for one day and it wasn't today (Friday). The big one day sale starts in about 7 hours. Customers who failed to read the fine print decided that if they complained AT me that I would give them the sale anyway - sorry no thanks, I would like to keep my job. But with all the hustle and bustle during the day and evening and the preparation for an even busier day to follow, closing took longer than usual.

Freezing my ass off on the drive home I wasn't really paying attention directly to the road ahead. I have done that drive in the wee hours of the morning so many times I don't have to look to know which way the asphault will curve. Coming over the train tracks I got distracted by a thought and didn't really see the 12 point buck until we were practically one. What was interested to me, once my heart started beating again was that this large male deer was standing on the 3 foot width of grass and strategically placed trees of the median. When I approached he did not jump out in front of me or run in the other direction but ran parallel to the car. Weaving in and out of the trees moving along with me for about 15 yards. Considering the height of the car, this bizarre animal was eye to eye with me and as bold and confident as I have ever seen. There was no fear and no hesitation in his stance.

This encounter made me wonder about "road kill" specifically of the horned kind. Deer are color blind, hence the hunters in orange jumpsuits. So at night, on a road headlights do not delinate trees from concrete or open fields from open highways, it rather just allows the deer to see its path ... and be hit by its "flashlight". I guess that is the paradox of humans and nature coexisting.

Clouds

To appreciate the blue of the sky, you need the white clouds to compare it to. To be able to appreciate the brightness of the stars, you need the darkness of night. Perfect weather is never perfect, just lacking in contrast. A perfectly calm life is never that - its simply a life that exists with no effort, and no reward.

There are so many trails I could take this thought but I haven't got the time.

Brrrrr....

It is 29 degrees in Staunton right now. 29 DEGREES!!!!! Everyone is bundled from head to toe and busting out the scarves and gloves. I plan on checking when I get home but I am almost positive that all of my "winter gear" is 2 hours away in Richmond. I think I only allotted for one hoody and maybe one scarf. Well, that will have to do it. Levi is picking up a new trenchcoat tomorrow to deal with the brisk weather. I am going to try and enjoy the snow when it finally falls as it will be my last for a few years. It only snows in one place in Oz, on the Blue Mountains and only a few times a season.

Back to work. So many trees have died for my thesis. My karma is going to be screwed.

New record

I just beat 4 games of solitaire without redealing the deck or "cheating". Thats a new record. I guess diminished capacity works to my favor once.

I was only taking a break and trying to refocus my brain. I have slept 9 hours in the last two nights combined. I am at work right now at the library trying to work my way through the mental fog to write a paper. Its not going so splendedly but that where I am .... sleep soooooooooon!

My Elvis moment...

Did you ever get that feeling that you forgot something? All day, even since last night I have felt like I am forgetting to get or write or do something - but I can't for the life of me remember what .... so frustrating and its going to drive me to distraction until I resolve it.

I felt like I had turetts (sp?) today, I just kept blurting additions to the conversations around me with no real rhyme or reason. It was bizarre, it was like my vocal filter was swiss cheese.

Either way, I work back to back shifts this weekend with both jobs so it will be interesting if I am worth anything on Monday.

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.

Shiny.

The squirrel knows all

Today's Senior Seminar class was only 15 minutes long so I took my time going back to my building. I decided to stop on Kable House lawn to sit under a tree, eat my recently acquired pb&j and listen to my MP3 player in the sun. I decided to stop for a few minutes ... just to sit. A few days ago it was absolutely freezing and the northern US tip got 2 feet of snow. Today, it was nearly 80 degress with a light breeze and barely cloudy sky. I think mother earth is bipolar. Anyway, while sitting under the multicolored leaves of autumn I got inspired to write my wedding vows. Trying to organize my thoughts and feelings into a few sucinct statements is easier than it looks. But writing about Levi and I reminded me of all of the strange "destinal road signs" that we had when we first got together.

The trip that gave us the opportunity to be alone - Levi wasn't scheduled to attend, he was the backup and at the very last minute the other delegate pulled out. My initials spell east - his last name is west. His dad worked as a carpenter for the national theatre for several years - I spent my freshman and sophomore years building for the school theatre. His mother, father, and sister share birthdays with my immediate family. Both of our fathers had hep-C. Both of our mothers had husbands named McDonald in their first marriage. When we went on a drive up to the Byron lighthouse to decide whether or not we should stay together (or whether I should leave Oz at the end of my intended stay) there was a wedding couple taking their photos. The list is endless... it actually is bizaare.

While sitting under the tree scribbling on paper a baby squirrel came scattering past and straight up the tree next to me. He really starteled me because he had no hair on his tail so really looked like a cross between a chipmunk and a mouse (ooo I hope it wasn't some weird radioactive hybrid). Just the same (but with no hair) ....

Would you ...

If you could have a conversation with your 13 year old self what would you tell them? Would you warn that sad girl crying on her bedroom floor about trouble ahead, boys to avoid, moments to cherish or would you climb right back out the window and say nothing? Would you leave well enough alone to protect the you that exists now, what if warning her would give you something better today - what if it was something worse, would you tell her to lock her door and run.

Thats the tricky thing about changing the past. You get sucked into an endless illogical quantum sphere (multiple circles, you see where I am going). If you change your experiences during one of the most turbulent times in your life, at least biologically - what will it do to the "you" that has learned from the youthful hardships? Would those lessons come from mistakes later in life that you helped the younger "you" avoid. Would it be worth it? Would it be better, would it be worse, and who's to say either way? Isn't there a place and purpose for hardship, pain, joy, and timely events. Doesn't ignorance serve its purpose?

I guess thats why we cannot go back and change the past, at least not our own. I guess thats why parents try to guide their children around their youthful mistakes. I guess thats why living in the moment and never looking back is the only way to avoid the aformentioned endless illogical quantum sphere.

Yeah ... that thing.

Friday the 13th - Opposite Day?

This weekend was not at all what I expected it to be. I had meant to spend my fall break buried in the library working on my thesis, and taking some extra shifts at BAM. Well the library was only open limited hours so I guess it was for the best (what actually happened that is).

Thursday Levi called and let me know that he had decided to take a weekend sojourn from the hustle and bustle of D.C. This was awesome because Kat had a meeting in Harrisonburg Friday night and was coming into the sticks for dinner. So Friday the 13th, synonymous with bad luck, black cats, broken mirrors, and ladders - was quite nice. Over a very nice dinner at the Pullman we got to shoot the breeze and discuss the finer details of eachother's futures. Then Kat headed back to her husband and Levi and I went back to tully-ville to pass out from a very large meal. I got to spend the weekend looking over the invitations, nutting out migration (oh what a headache) , laughing and getting the best sleep that I have in weeks (not counting the nights I nearly OD'd on benadryl).

I also have a oh too cute picture of Levi cuddling a stuffed lion in his sleep, but he took the camera back with him so it may take me a while to coax it off him ... so I can post it on the internet :-D.

As for my thesis, it is a no worries situation. I have a good amount of structuring, organization, and research already done - its just a matter of writing the bloody thing.

There is an ends to my means ...

This exhausted, full tilt, some would say detrimental behavior has a purpose for me. There is a reason for these actions, for this intensity that is my light at the end of the tunnel and my motivation to continue. The reason I have one nearly full time job and one part time job on top of school, the reason I am doing two senior thesis in one semester, the reason I am barrelling through all of my immigration red tape - I want the life I deserve to have.

By March of 2007 I want to have a nice apartment, a nice full time job, a nice wardrobe, a nice vacation planned, a nice photo album of a wonderful honeymoon, a nice marriage, and simply a nice life. I don't want fantastic or opulent - just nice. I am working my tail off and making extreme plans because I want a nice life. I am saving every penny I can so that when Levi and I get back to Australia we have the funds to pay first, last, and security on a nice apartment. So that we can get clean and new furniture and a big bed. So that we can have all the utilities installed at once and get high speed internet so I can stay connected to my family. I want a life that while maybe not flush with money, is secure and comfortable.

For a nice life, I can go without sleep for 5 months.

I was just resting my eyes...

So apparently working 10 hour shifts until midnight 5 days straight can have a negative effect on a person. Who knew? This morning I was exhausted. I had only had 4 1/2 hours of sleep and had been running off my feet for the last week. We had a speaker from Northern India in my first class which was engaging enough to keep me awake, plus I was still wide eyed from my shower and breakfast. By my 10:40 History of Jazz class I was shot. Unfortunately for me, I sit in the middle of the first row, typically no more than 4 feet from my professor as he walks around the piano and blackboard. Of course I fell asleep, of course he noticed, which meant of course everybody noticed - that is of course except me. My notes from the class are useless, the first section is legible enough but then it gets very small and very squiggly indicative of where I began to fade in and out. Oops, my bad.

I think I forgot to mention in my last few posts the irony surrounding the wedding. Levi and I have a counter-couple in Oz. Megan and Sam have been engaged for over a year and when we left had no real wedding plans to speak of. When I divulged to Megs my wedding date she delighted in telling me that was the exact same date that she and Sam had chosen. We will be half way across the world and 14 hours behind but we will have the same wedding anniversary. Hopefully the men will be able to remind eachother in the future.

The invitations are almost done, I spent 2 1/2 frustratingly fruitless hours last night in the graphics lab but discovered that the two printers I needed were irrevocably damaged.

I start the bulk of my thesis in 3 days .... counting down .....

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Punch and pie...

Sometimes to even out your day - you need something. You crave something. I got off work at midnight tonight after a 9 hour shift full of laughter with coworkers and 99% of customers asking why the sizes are "tall, grande, and joe's choice 20 oz" instead of small, medium, and large (I still don't have a logical reason). I got off of a 9 hour shift and all I wanted was some tacos, some horrible for you, runs right through you Taco Bell soft tacos. Its been raining today and the temperature has plummetted. Nothing beats tacos, sweatpants, and reruns of Grey's Anatomy - just what the doctor ordered.

Today was diverse - to say the least. I worked on my thesis this morning, annouced to my Mom that I Levi and I are getting married in December of this year, and worked the night shift. We have been planning the wedding since March, got around to getting engaged in August but have kept things under wraps to keep the stress limited to .... well - me. I know how stressful a wedding can be, especially on the respective families. I have 5 sisters. I also have worked over 300 weddings as child labor for my Mom who was a wedding coordinator for over a decade - I know weddings, trust me. I wanted my family to be able to enjoy the wedding and not have to worry about whether or not a decoration is straight or if the cake is assembled correctly. This is going to be simple and calm - even if it kills me. Plus we are trying to be fair, my family gets the ceremony - his family gets the reception (split 50 / 50) .

But thats all for now, cats out of the bag as it were, I have to get some sleep and get up early to do laundry before work.

Rabbit with a pocket watch ...

Just as soon as it seemed this blog was up to date - things went haywire and I fell behind again. There just doesn't seem to be enough time to accomplish all the things I must do and all the things I want to do. Three weeks ago I started my new job, at BooksAMillion working mainly in the cafe. I really enjoy the job but 34 hours a week is 34 hours I really didn't have to spare. I still maintain 15 hours a week at the library (where typically I do schoolwork and administrative tasks if I am not busy) and 12 hours per week in classes. Apply that to a seven day week and we're shiny.

There isn't much to report, classes are moving along swiftly dragging me behind. Fall break begins next Friday and I am staying put, using the time off of classes and job #1 to write my senior theses (thesises?). I will still work a few days at BAM but it should give me enough time to get caught up and maybe ahead. Last night I worked out my schedule for the next 9 weeks. I will go back to Richmond on the 12th of November for my nephews birthday, and then again for thanksgiving. I don't want to push the car on multiple long trips so I will just have to play in Staunton.

The leaves on campus are changing and fall is setting in - its gorgeous up here and if I have a moment to take it in - can actually be relaxing. Yesterday was Apple Day which consisted of a cancelling of classes and work as well as a carnival on campus. Molly, Tobin, and I did karoke and there was much inflated fun (boxing, jousting, jumping and the like).

I have to leave for work in a half hour so I am going to try to get 15 minutes of sleep. Later tater.

Caught up ...

All of my posts are up to date now, stretching back a month but they are there. Some still need the addition of photos but that will have to wait another day.
:-P

As Emiril put it...BAM!

So yesterday I started my new job as a floater at BooksAMillion (herein known as BAM). No, that doesn't mean they add me to the Frappe machine as bubbles but that I work both as a bookseller and barista in the cafe. I seem to recall not being allowed to take food or drink in the library/bookstore when I was a kid and now all of the large chains have a cafe affiliate inside. I started my morning at 8am with a 2 hour shift at job #1 - MBC library and then 11am-7pm at BAM. The bulk of my 8 hour shift was reading training manuals and taking quizzes on the BAM website based on the manuals. But I had a really good day, my new coworkers are diverse but all friendly and approachable. The manager on duty had no idea who I was as she hadn't been present for either of my interviews - but we got on like a house on fire once she realized I was going to be rescueing her from a 60 hr work week.

The common thread through all of my coworkers is the label of an avid reader. Me - not so much. I have been continuously in school for the last 16 years, I blame college for killing the reading for pleasure aspect of my brain. I have been REQUIRED to read at least 10 textbooks per year, including fiction novels for lit classes and comic books for modern culture classes. Been there, done that, and when free time comes around I am not inclined to read.

I am at job #1 now, working a 6 hour shift and studying (obviously not this exact second) and I return to BAM tomorrow.